Can We Stop?

Now before you read this blog I want you to re-read the top intro... and then read it again... This blog isn't just for me, it's for others too. We all need a voice. It's not only frustrations from me, but also the frustrations I hear from those close to me. Yes, I am ok, but these things need to be said. We need to "keep it real". Maybe you're doing it unintentionally, but again that's one of the points of this blog is to open eyes to the real struggles and help others.

There are so many emotions and feelings that happen after you have a baby. There's so much anxiety that you get as a Mom that happen after you have a baby. You are already experiencing Mom guilt and shame and questioning every decision and move you're making with that baby and your family. The last thing we need/want is outside shame, judgement, and comparisons. Now don't get me wrong, I'm sure there are times we ask for legit advice and welcome it! It's all of the other unsolicited bs...

I literally don't even know where to start, but I'm going to try...

 - epidural or no epidural, your choice for your body

 - working out or not working out preggo or right after baby, your choice for your body

 - limited caffeine or no caffeine while preggo, your choice for your body

 - morning sickness or no morning sickness while preggo, both are healthy

 - lots of weight gain or little weight gain while preggo and after, both are valid

 - up and out of the house after delivery or weeks after delivery, your choice for your family

 - postpartum depression or happy as can be, both are valid

 - breast feeding or bottle feeding or combo feeding, all lead to a healthy baby

 - one child or ten children, your choice for your family

 - taking baby in public or staying in, your choice for your family

 - vaccinations or no vaccinations, your choice for your family

 - letting baby cry it out or not, your choice for your family 

 - co sleeping or crib sleeping, your choice for your family

 - babysitter or staying home, your choice for your family

The list could go on and on... the thing to remember here is that it's YOUR choice, or heck maybe it's not even your choice it's your body making the choice for you and you don't have control. Don't question a new Mama why she's doing things the way she's doing them. She already is questioning herself a million times over, so remember that before you comment.

The other piece of this is validation of feelings. Just because you should "feel blessed" doesn't always mean that you do. Comparison is the thief of joy, don't forget that. Jane might get only 4 weeks of maternity leave, while Sally might get 6 months. It's ok for Sally to still feel upset when that leave comes to an end, just because Jane only got 4 weeks doesn't mean that Sally's 6 months has to invalidate her feelings of being upset. Jane's partner might not get any paternity leave, while Sally's gets weeks or months. That doesn't invalidate Sally's feelings when her partner has to go back, and she shouldn't "have to feel blessed". I'm sure she does feel blessed, but also feels upset and that's OK because there are so many things changing and so many unknowns! Jane is super active and already lost all of her baby weight, while Sally is struggling and feeling bad about not losing the baby weight so quickly. Jane might struggle with routine or loss of appetite or a million other things, while Sally is being super hard on herself for something she might not be able to control. Jane might get out a ton, while Sally prefers to stay in. The point here is that there are always so many things to think about, so many feelings to feel, so many reasons behind closed doors that you don't know about. So just be kind. Let Mama just BE. She's having a hard enough time trying to navigate it all without your negative comments or questions.

Now again (because I know my friends and family all care deeply about me), I'm using a lot of these as examples so please don't start messaging me asking me if I'm ok. I did cry it out this morning because of some of these feelings, but again that's perfectly normal and ok. Thankful for my hubby who watches over babe in the morning so I can get my workouts in and that helps ME be a better Mom and Wife for the day ahead. If you don't stop to feel those feelings, you'll never overcome them. So Mamas... all of your feelings are VALID. Don't ever forget that. 

Photo behind the scenes coming at you hot from my sauna post workout!